Star Trek: Starbase 777

@Away Team Two entered the cat cafe. It had a quaint cottagecore sort of aesthetic, with lots of cats roaming around, except many of them didn't look... Quite right. It was like they'd been generated from faulty information and it got their anatomy wrong, and the people here didn't know enough about cats to notice. Some of them still looked okay, though. There was a romulan-human hybrid sitting on a wooden chair near a round table with a cat on his lap. "Yes, kitty. Good kitty. The softness of your fur and vibration you produce is soothing to my fragile human psyche, therefore I will rely on you as a crutch to support my failing mental health."

Walking into the cat cafe, it was clear that these simulations were more cat-like than actual cats... They were still kind of cute, though. Even if they were wonky as hell. "Somehow I don't get the sense this is where a power generator will be..." Senang mumbled, barely loud enough for people right next to her to hear, as she reached out to pet a fucked up looking kitten.

The kitten Senang petted had too many toes and one ear bigger than the other, but it headbonked her palm and purred just right.

Oughhhh, Undine-generated cats... Saren watched one slide past him like an unrigged, rigid game model, before his gaze flitted to Senang: "Think so?.." he replied weakly, trying his best to keep a straight face. (edited)

The man who'd been petting the cat blinked at both of them (one eye closing slightly slower than the other). "Hello. Welcome to Khitten Cafe. Do you need anything?"

"We are observing," Senang responded to the man, who seemed to be failing as much as the kittens. Their hand was still stretched out to touch the kitten, but had frozen, leaving the kitten bumping up into it for attention. Senang had failed to express any emotion with their face or voice, and hoped it would come across at least slightly wrong. Unfortunately, they weren't a great actor; they could only do "regular Senang" and "Surak Senang". So Surak Senang it was.

He blinked again, but this time he got the timing right. "I don't think that's how cafes work. You have to give me currency for food. This is a cat cafe, so... One latinum and you can eat one cat?"

Aoife produced a slip of latinum from her uniform and handed it to the owner. In the hopes that buying something would keep them talking so they could learn more about what was going on in the colosseum. "Not too busy in here today it seems?" Aoife asked, hoping to lead the conversation to the colosseum.

Oh dear gods. Saren, who made sure to hold his pokerface on like it was a mask, gave the... supposed owner of the cafe an equally slow blink: "Wrong type of cat to eat, I think," he replied, weirdly inquisitive tone in his voice that did not apply to the situation nor his "joke" at all. He watched Aoife move forward, and decided to trust her on this one...

Senang didn't want to know. He just continued petting the kitten.

He took the latinum and handed over a cat, watching Aoife expectantly as he talked, apparently expecting her to just open her maw and swallow the cat whole like a big snake, only breaking eye contact to glance at Saren and furrow his brow, not understanding any part of what he was saying. "It's quiet today because everyone's going to the colosseum. There's a big lady there who is challenging random people to fights! She hasn't lost yet, and the winner gets a prize. But do you want to know a secret?" He leaned over conspiratorially. "She loves cats. She's not even pretending about it. I gave her cat and she didn't even eat it!" Not that you could actually eat it. Or could you? For that matter, can you eat holographic food? Does it taste good? Does it vanish from your guts when you leave the simulation?

"Then don't eat the cat," Senang told Aoife as seriously as he could manage. "It might help one of us win." He didn't want to think about eating the cat, he really didn't.

While the owner had broken eye contact to talk to Saren Aoife quickly hid the cat, by quickly placing it in the floor outside of the owners field of vision while she made eating 'sound effects' so it looked and sounded like she had opened her 'maw' and swallowed it whole. "She didn't eat one of these delicious creatures?" Aoife said fully committing to faking being an Undine. "This we should probably see for ourselves!" (edited)

Damn. So she actually ate it. It had been the one on his lap. Why was he a little sad? "You probably should! I warn you, you gotta pay lots of money for it, though. I hear T'oni's Rigatoni or Deep Dish Nine are hiring. She was employed there for a while, but she didn't like that role."

"What is a lot of money?" When was the last time Senang had even used money? He wasn't sure, and he wasn't sure he would be able to guess what this guy thought a lot of money was. He was more preoccupied with seeming like he wanted to fight this lady. Which, to be fair, he did want. If only because it seemed like the colosseum was where they needed to go, and this seemed like as good an excuse as any.

He stalled for a moment, reaching down to scoop up another cat as it brushed by his feet. It bounced right back off and zipped around in quick circles. "A lot?... At least three," he answered.

"You know, if you we're to give me at least three money, id spread the word about how delicious your cafe far and wide in the colousem. Think of all the cats you'd sell then!" Aoife unapologetically tried to get money out of the owner. She figured that words were better first off before trying to rob an undine for real.

"At least three money. Four would be nice." Senang nodded along with Aoife. He'd even participate in telling people about the cat café if necessary! He was just a big fan of getting straight to the point. Morally, there wasn't a great argument for stealing when normal people would work for their money, but he had to remind himself that these were Undine who had kidnapped people and were using their knowledge to try and undermine political relations in the Alpha and Beta quadrants... or something? Anyway, that probably gave him a moral edge over this guy.

".. You give me currency. Not the other way around. I do not take payment in exposure." He shook his head maybe a few times too many, turning his head just a little too far. "Like I said, T'oni's Rigatoni and Deep Dish Nine are your best bets."

She was standing at the back of the cafe, her expression having been unchanged since they got here. The hybrid eyed the whole area, observing what they could of this place. Very little sound was picked up by her, though it was clear nobody noticed her uneasiness, or she was simply decent at masking it. Either way, she walked up to the rest of the group, looking at the Undine straight in the eye. “What currency you take ah? Surely good shop can take many.” Her body language didn’t change at all, but her voice did. Instead of her typical nasally germanic accent, there was this incredibly choppy yet oddly fluid sound to her speech. It was not something commonly heard in the Federation, but it wasn’t some strange attempt at a foreign accent, it fit her quite naturally. Yaveru knew that she as a hybrid could look like someone simply playing around with appearance, because after all most of the Undine she saw were not walking around as such. Her Sydnian accent, she hoped, would also come across as one completely inexperienced with how most people in the Federation spoke. Perhaps it was a bit silly and stupid, but she went for it anyway. No harm, right?

He looked at Yaveru and shrugged. "I don't even know what other currencies exist over there. I thought people just used GPL for everything. Even the Federation gives their officers some pocket money, I think." He picked up another nearby cat and put it on his lap. "If you're not going to buy any more cats, you should probably leave. Maybe someone at the colosseum will have dropped some spare change."

So they got a cat, but now there was the issue for money - and who here was prepared for the fact that the Undines would be commiting to their attempts to emulate them so hard, to the point of roleplaying capitalism? Certainly not Saren. And they didn't have too much time to continue persuading this guy, or acquiring a job and earning it, and hoping for the chance of someone losing their change at the colosseum while some of it was right there, in front of them... Robbing an Undine for the sake of saving people from their clutches was morally just, right?.. While Aoife and Yaveru talked with the guy, Saren looked around, spotting a cat bed that was currently unoccupied by any feline-esque creature. The Romulan walked up to it and picked it up, holding it between his palms awkwardly, before walking back to the rest of his group and showing it like a prize: "Look at this feline nest. The set of these colors is so stunning!" he exclaimed, emphasizing some of the words - perhaps with a purpose? He gave Senang an unblinking stare, hoping she will understand him.

Okay, so the Romulan didn't translate perfectly to Vulcan, but the thought was there. Senang unholstered his phaser after figuring out what Saren was getting at, setting it to stun. A high stun, maybe? He didn't know what it would take for this guy to go down. Then he pointed it at the café owner. "You will give us money," she declared, hoping at least one other person would follow her example and threaten this guy. If that didn't work, they could always shoot later.

His brow furrowed, looking at them in confusion, trying to figure out if this was all part of the simulation somehow. "I don't think I can? It's not in the rules. You have to give me money and then I give you goods. When the Federation plays capitalism, they follow these rules too. Is this some sort of... drill?"

"As an owner of a perfectly human establishment, you should practice being robbed," Saren supplied, also pulling out a phaser. "It has been discovered as an annual Federation tradition, robbing humans that is. Crimemas, or something." Technically he wasn't even that far off the truth, right?.. (edited)

"Correct. During a robbery, you give up your money, or you get killed." Was it that simple? No. Had Senang ever been witness to a robbery at all? Also no, he was a Federation citizen. But he'd seen enough Ferengi dramas to know how they worked.

Nooo! He didn't want to get 'killed'! Then he'd have to get assigned new role that wasn't as fun as this one! "Ooooh, okay, I see. Well, all the money is in the cash register or my bank account. Do you have your details so I can transfer the money to you?" Probably good to avoid giving him some sort of Federation PayPal account. That would be a dead giveaway you weren't from here. Or maybe not. This didn't seem to be the smartest Undine in the simulation... Probably why he got assigned to pet cats all day.

Aoife pushed the owner aside and opened the register, fully committing to roleplaying as a thief. "Put your details on a PADD, or my friend will shoot you." Aoife demanded while emptying the latinum from the register.

Having been pushed, he fell off the chair he was on that Aoife could've easily walked around, but he assumed the rough treatment was all part of the simulation. "Ouch! My fragile human skin!" He started putting details down on a PADD. "You guys are a little too into this." (edited)

"How can we teach you if we aren't serious? Federation robbers are not playing a role, you know." Senang kept their phaser trained on the Undine, but kept an eye on Aoife. They didn't think they'd ever been on such a weird away mission.

“And they are into weirder things than we are. Be grateful lah.” She scowled, phaser trained directly at his head. It was a chance to blow off some steam, especially with all the things running around in her head. “At least know you’re better, some hoomans have big egos eh? Wanna fight, but they die in the end.”

"Oh! Right, Undine superiority and all that." It sounded like he bored out of his mind of saying that, whoops. Better try to sound more enthusiastic. "Death to the outsiders and their tasty fluffy mammals! Are we done with the robbery yet?" (edited)

Aoife finished emptying the register and placed the latinum on a table for everyone to grab. After she had done that she turned to the undine and gave them a withering look. "We were never here. Talk about this and you'll be off the programme. Humans never talk to authorities remember that." She kept her withering glare for a few moments after speaking to drive the point across.

Senang reached for some latinum, nodding along with Aoife. Humans never talk to authorities... It's a good thing these Undine weren't quite aware of humanoid cultures yet. "You have passed the robbery. Good work," he said as he holstered his phaser again, and made for the door. Should he grab a cat? Hmmmm. Maybe not. But perhaps he should get a cat whenever they got back to 777. (edited)

He stared at Aoife and Senang with narrowed eyes for a few seconds. Was he suspicious of them? Was what Aoife said the final straw? "Well, okay, then, bye!" Never mind. He was clueless.

12:15

And so they all departed, heading to the colosseum, where they'd be able to pay whatever entry fee was needed with plenty to spare!